Archive for April, 2010

More ageless, mostly conservative, wit and observations…

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

“….a chimney where all winter long, the logs give back the wild bird song.”  – From “The Hoe-Man’s Thanksgiving” by Edwin Markham, 1852-1940

You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust your sails. -Yiddish proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks .  – Yiddish Proverb

What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t invent with your mouth. – Yiddish proverb

Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. – Albert Einstein….was he talking about government?

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. – Albert Einstein

Imagination is more important than knowledge. – Sign hanging in Einstein’s office at Princeton

We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. – Albert Einstein

I don’t want to become immortal through my work. I want to become Immortal through not dying.  – Woody Allen

”You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.”

“What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.”

“The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.”

“When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.”

“You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.”

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

Just how are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary? …or spelling?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on Rt 80 as I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What do people do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house feeling confident and looking really good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day, what a waste!

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid High Crime Area” routing option.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

Then again sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I now have no idea what the heck is going on when the first time I saw it I understood it.

I would rather try to carry 10 grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries from the car into the house.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text, change my shoes or read a map.

Sometimes I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times do you suppose it is OK to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear, understand or you just weren’t paying attention to a word someome just said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in to your lane. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Is it just me or do teenagers get dumber & dumber every year?

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going down after leaning your chair back just a tad too far.

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket or purse, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, pitch black, first time, every time!

Have you ever waited and waited to hear the weather forecast, then when it finally comes you don’t pay attention and still don’t know what the weather will do tomorrow?

I swear the cars at the front of a line of cars waiting for the light to change wait so that that not all the cars can get through the light. Yes that’s me at the end of the line.